He Said, She Said: Soldier considers warning buddy of cheating girlfriend Print E-mail
Thursday, 23 July 2015
By Shaun and  Pamela Collins
 Special to GUIDON
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 I saw that my friend’s girlfriend has a profile on a dating website. I know for a fact it is not an old profile because it showed where she had just logged in. I will see him at physical training in the morning and I think I should tell him. I don’t want to see him get played again — it seems like he has the worst luck with women. He has been with this lady for more than a year. What do I do? Keep my mouth shut, or tell him?


 HE SAID:  It is generally my philosophy to stay out of other people’s relationships; it kind of boils down to the “no good deed goes unpunished” phenomenon.  

 The first time I felt compelled to tell a buddy that his girlfriend wasn’t as invested in the relationship as he was cost me the friendship.  

 This was about 30 years ago, but we were all at a party — of course drinking and my buddy passed out.  A few minutes later, his girlfriend tried to kiss me; I was rather surprised, as they seemed so happy together.  The next day, I told him and he said I was just jealous of their relationship and that I wanted to ruin his happiness — so I shut up.   

 They eventually got married, then much to all of our surprise, she cheated on him and they got divorced, but our friendship never recovered. Having said that, I hate to see people get blind sided. This would be a situation wherein I might conveniently stumble upon her profile while he is in the room and say … “Hey, isn’t this your girlfriend?” and let him take it from there; as long as you don’t get the indication it will end in violence, you can pretty much stay out of it.

 However, if you think he may become violent, you need to have a plan to make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid. Help him maintain perspective that if she’s still looking for that someone better, he is better off without her and maybe talk him into putting his own dating profile up on the same site? Just my thoughts, get him to have fun with it, don’t let him spiral out of control.  


 SHE SAID:  If you tell him and she has an explanation that he accepts, chances are you will lose a friend.  If you really feel like you need to tell him, do it in a way that is not face-to-face.  Maybe you can send him a letter or let him know anonymously.  Otherwise, you need to let it go.  He either knows already or will figure it out on his own.

 (Editor’s note: Shaun and Pamela Collins were both career Soldiers with a combined history of military service spanning over a half of a century. They have been where you are, so if you are facing a difficult situation, ask them. Send your question to This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it This column and other original content from Mr. and Mrs. Collins can be found at http://militarysuccessnetwork.com. The opinions expressed are those of the writers and not necessarily those of the Fort Leonard Wood Public Affairs Office or the GUIDON.)
Last Updated ( Thursday, 20 August 2015 )